抒情闲谈 #11
November 6, 2009 at 10:04 pm | In lectures of life, 抒情闲谈 | Leave a Comment
After the various onslaught of that I consider ridiculous endeavours to assimilate into the society, I took some time to think about what I consider and what I seek to uncover: The truth.
Sometimes, as I ponder what is the truth, I like to comment on how they all seem to have a common effect: They sear. The day you realise Santa Claus does not exist; the day you realise your family is a power struggle; they day you realise you are (not) alone; the day you realise she’s been treating you as merely ” a good friend” ( oh, I chuckled on this one, talk about the supposedly 2 r/s ladders of a girl)
As we continue to delve deeper onto the truth,we often see the bleaker aspects on life. I was reading a book on the adventures of Wisely a few weeks back, and one of the most striking things in the novel was the assumption of everyone that the act of aliens visiting Earth would spell the doomsday of humanity. What is important here is not whether aliens will invade us or not; rather, its the ability to accept the truth ( which is currently uncertain) that humans are not the most technologically advanced creature in the universe. What an obnoxious, arrogant race we all are.
As I find out more and more fragments of the truth; as they sear, or rather gash, my heart again and again as I continue to relentlessly pursue such an upstart, foolish aspect, I wonder how much more of a mental strength I need to absorb the world’s truth – the world’s pain. Talk about claiming to be emotionally hard. Ha!
3 years ago, I’d scoff at people cutting and performing self mutilation, claiming they are dumb and the likes. It ws this afternoon, that I realised why: Because I rather draw the pain to my hand and allow it to hurt than let the numbing, throbbing pain continue deep in my inner conscience that I can do nothing of.
Not that I’d try self mutilation though.
抒情闲谈 #7
July 22, 2009 at 10:03 pm | In 抒情闲谈 | 1 Comment
考试中如此失败，自然是需要反省的。 难得三位老师斥责我，还不知该高兴有人关心我，还是要伤心自己考试成绩欠佳。
有时生路走多了，自然而然就会迷路。 想了许久，不知从何改进。 觉得走生路，倒不如走熟路。
有时人见多了，自然就会对人依依不舍。包袱放不下，又怎能在高手中前进？我的思想空间，不能被约束了。我的能力，不能被自己的无知铺盖住。
心中的恶魔，你也睡了够久了吧？
在着冰花雪地，四周野狼的残酷地带中， 我已近没有后路走了， 就算付出了他人，甚至同志的生命，鲜血和力量， 我也写出自己一篇血泪的诗章！
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沉暗的夜天，人们封印的千年古咒，已经被绝望与约束解开了！
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Invictus
William Ernest Henley
Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbow’d.
Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.
It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.
抒情闲谈#6
May 3, 2009 at 9:07 pm | In 抒情闲谈 | 1 Comment
I’ve realised that it is impossible to write this faithful post with my ordinary persona and perception of thought, simply because my interior contruction has be crippled from the inside this time round, and I do not feel the reconstruction of my inner psyche is going to proceed fast enough.
Ihave no areas to talk about, but i want to talk. For once, I want to reach out for 5 seconds, and tell people,
“PLEASE SAVE ME”
solely because it is wilson controlling wilson now. Given any of my other personas, I know none of them will do so. They have been personally programmed by me to survive, and to deciminate. The most they might do is lose their cool; but it will take more than them to break down like that.
It’s weird to see how humans are actually so fragile. It’s funny to see how we can present so many facets of life onto this world.
I once throught I had many faces, until it dawned on me on one fine CHAMPS lesson.
” Many faces and mindsets, or perhaps none at all?”
抒情闲谈 #5
April 19, 2009 at 10:21 pm | In 抒情闲谈 | Leave a Comment
If there was one compelling lesson i would learn from the detailed analysis of ” The Kite Runner” by Khaled Hosseini, I would say it came from a line by Amir.
” Because the past claws its way out”
It’s interesting to see that 2 years later I would realize that I am still continually tormented by my past. That past that i tried to fervently forget would slowly,slowly claw its path out again, out of the iron fortress that I have locked it.
抒情闲谈 #4
March 20, 2009 at 1:14 am | In 抒情闲谈 | Leave a Comment
记得前几个月还跟远兮大哥闲聊，说什么首次测验要抢个AABB回家垫枕头。虽然不知他的状况如何( 当然不希望他比我惨咯!) , 但是本人知道自己嘛，视听失败的。
Intermission – current state of mind -
March 16, 2009 at 4:02 pm | In retarded rantings / fillers, 抒情闲谈 | Leave a Comment
抒情闲谈 #3
January 17, 2009 at 11:57 am | In 抒情闲谈 | 3 Comments
开学了，照道理自己应该非常喜悦。
但是，今年开学比前十年来得更吃力。虽然整天带着一个半微笑的脸孔，我行我素的样子，但又何常有人知道，心中的我，却分分秒秒都有一种被日式长刀划伤的感觉。
突然之中想起前年看过的 “EVA 1.0 : You are (not) alone. 主角的朋友因对付使徒一个一个被牺牲，令原本孤立的真嗣感到万分伤感。到最后，电影的名 “You are (not) alone”， 到底是想说主角到最后永远是孤立的，而 “not” 只是一种幻觉，一种不可能完成的希望，还是想说虽然幻觉上好似孤立，但事实上是有很多人在他身旁的，我可能永远也得不到一个结论。
在这里，我也不想多说什么，本人擅长以抽象画面来让人了解自己的想法，聪明的自然了解我的心思，不聪明的，花点时间慢慢想吧！
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什么地方？为何这么暗呢？虽然月光极亮，但始终无法把前面的路照亮。
在走廊的尾端，怎么会有这么多对眼睛，那到底是谁？
眼睛，又为何突然泛红呢？好似鲜血般的红色 – 令人脸青唇白。
好想跑。好想跑！
但是用力跑，却跑不到出口。出口，难道没有出口？！
地图，背包有地图！
翻出地图，但地图在此刻长了翅膀，飞入黎明的空。
不能飞走，地图不能飞走的！抓住了在挣扎的地图，无意中把它撕成两半。
随着半个地图寻找出路，但万万没想到，手上地图慢慢化成灰。
暗地无限，从去和从，束手无策。
因为身上的地图，原来是镜花水月。
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