Mistilteinn – the wisdom of the mistletoes

抒情闲谈 # 33 — Recollections; Reflections; Resolutions.

( This is going to be bloody long; so please bear with me.)

I have no idea where I read a quote about Confucius, but I remembered it went like this :

“There are 3 ways to learn. To learn from reflection is the noblest. To learn from the experiences of others is the wisest; and to learn from your own mistakes is the bitterest.”

Many things have happened this year, and as I was approaching my own birthday, I started to think: with everyone starting to have a realistic vision of their own life, what should I do with mine? What have I left unresolved in the past years? What are the burdens that I had unconsciously carried on and on? What should I do now, to prepare for my own future?

2011 is not a very pleasant for me, because I was finally out of school. Some people are happy to be out of school, but I am not. Because when you are not sheltered in school, you get thrown into the harsh realities of life. You have to learn to manage your life, your contacts, your budget, your work and many other things like that. A lot of people don’t learn that, that is why nothing ever happens for them; they live their life saying they want X and Y, but they have no idea how to get them, or they are so overwhelmed by things in their life that they simply have no time to think about how their should work towards what they want, and the overwhelming carries on till they die. I do not want that.

2011 is a year of harsh realities. Everyone used to think that hard work would get us everywhere we wanted, until GP showed us otherwise. Still, at 16, when I was young, dumb and full of cum, I rejected that notion and still childishly believed that. When the distance between me and others started to get longer and longer over time, I’d horrendously realize how working hard simply doesn’t work when people have a better set of cards: inherent capacity, resources that were properly utilized, networks. It is simple not possible to win people like them in a fair fight. In 2010, I was stuck in a rut like that, which perhaps did trickle down to the trash results in the As.

I took a read at Kiyosaki’s ” Rich Dad, Poor Dad” recently, and thought back into the past experiences in the past 12 years. Of course, I still have no answer to it. But I realised that the first step to getting out of the situation, is to amass what I did not have. Even if I would be 40,50 and those resources that I had built up would no longer be useful to me by then, at least I could pass it off to my son or my daughter; the foundations that I have built up would be their pillar for their own legacy. Even if I could not create my own legacy, I cannot dash the hopes of my children who might want to, and I will do what I can for them to create their own story.

I am inferior to a lot more people in terms of capabilities, and despite being very prideful about my abilities, I cannot deny that I have seen so much more people with so much greater intellect, insight, innovation, foresight, fortitude and so on. In fact, I have seen so many with so much more powerful abilities that I never want to face them in a full out war later on in life if I can, classifying them as demons.  Yet, we are playing in this zero sum game, there will be a lot more of such people against you sooner or later. Rather than escaping, rather than doing what the chinese calls “掩耳盗铃”  what I must and should do, is to prepare for it. What I can only do, is to learn as much skills and expose myself to even more things as soon as possible, to make up for lost time and resources.

People often ask me, “why kill yourself learning driving so early? Why go out for stupid things? Why make yourself so busy instead of just wasting some time keeping your sanity? ” And I tell them ” I don’t have time.” I truly don’t. I don’t just want to look at my friends climbing to the top and being happy for them. I am selfless, but I am not noble. I cannot possibly be happy for someone without even looking at my own predicament.

I just want to win. Even against those demons.

I want to make it to their ranks as well.

I often preach shamelessly about how money is worth nothing, because it really is. It buys none of the most important things in life : trust; friendship; empathy; love; intellectual capacities; health. It is not omnipotent, yes, but it remains nevertheless all powerful on Earth. It’s easy to hire expensive tuition teachers, easy to go to a dozen different foreign country for more experiences, easy to go overseas to study flashy yet not very practical courses like archeology or forestry, easy to even build more wealth on top of your wealth. Money buys not a lot of things, but it goes a long way. The fact remains that one is crippled without money. That smart kid in Somalia will remain as a lowly despite how clever he might be, despite how he has the ability to become a doctor or a lawyer.

That is why I have to amass money in the shortest time possible.

My father used to be a businessman. Sadly, he was a fool. These two traits was a deadly combination. Despite being so crazed about entrepreneurship and sales, he would never seem to be able to make it. Not after reading all those books on the blue ocean strategy, on investment tips, and on self improvement. he lacked foresight, but that was not all.

He lacked time.

Because of such turbulent times the concept of business over the years has slowly been engraved into me as one that would deeply burn me later on in my life. That was why I actively refused to take economics in Year 5, and why I would continue on to refuse to take any forms of study relating to business or economics – be it biz, finance management or Information systems. The money is there, but I cannot possibly do it for half my life. Not after I have seen how it has destroyed my own father again and again.

But after graduating from RV, the importance of financial literacy began to sink in. I cannot accomplish every single thing without a significant amount of funds even as a 19 year old, and it is certain that i will continue to need even greater amount of funds 10 years down the future.

I have no choice but to turn back, and complete what my father had not done.

I have refused his own teachings and ideals for at least 10 years, and now I am walking on  the shadow of his footsteps again.

I sat down, and told him yesterday to lend me $3000. I would use any means possible to grow something out of this capital in one year, and if I couldn’t I would pay him off in a 20 month installment program of $200 per month. Unlike my peers who had more pay, what I had was more freedom and time, and I must capitalize on it. I have to. I cannot back down now.

I’ve always have a fascination with table games rather than video games, because unlike RPGs, there is a way to break table games. There is a way to analyze how to win. If you do it right, instead of “gambling”, it becomes ” taking a calculated risk to win.” People always thought mahjong was a luck based game, but if you take a closer look at it, you’d realise it is a very scary game of wits : tactics like suji, betaori, determining the winning hand by pond tiles alone, art of declaring kans and knowing the precise timing to throw useless tiles to minimise usage by others. And in the same manner this rule of exploitation works in a lot of table games. I have a friend who specialises in contract bridge and poker. He should know.

And with that, I will play my next game with all that I have. Because I cannot possibly lose this anymore.

For a while I was thinking of having a partner to ride this together, but I cannot risk it. Having one more people also means having greater risks in this game. I cannot drag someone into this unless they are competent and determined. In short, they’d have to be ingenious and mad.

I pray I will get out of the fx market alive.

2011 is a bittersweet year, and more importantly, a life changing year for many of us. We’re a part of RV, many of us will make it to the pinnacle of this world, despite subpar results, insufficient resources and stupid restrictions like that. In this year, I have horrendously crushed many friendships, and reinforced many others. Such is life. But my dedication to my friends, family and comrades remain simple. I like to look upon myself like a head servant. I am willing to sacrifice every single thing to whom I bother to acknowledge, and I will not hesitate to use any means to defend people I deem necessary.

And I implore people not to go over the line. Playing around with me is okay, but don’t play with my friends. I’ll freaking shred you to pieces.

I blew a candle yesterday.

My wish was to see such gatherings again and again for the next 10 years. It doesn’t matter who. 4F, 6C, my personal mates, or Hub West. And on a similar regard, I am happy and grateful to see how people I have offended severely coming to talk to me again. I am sorry for those whom I have hurt. I really am.

There will be a day where we realize that there are no eternal enemies, only eternal friends. We should all try to work towards that.

Thank you, everyone. Thank you, 4F for the cake and the wishes and the time. Thank you, Lynette and co who was singing the song over the phone at 12.30a.m. Thank you, Joshua Wong, for trying so hard to plan something out of the birthdays. Thank you Janice and Sophia for the nice day on my birthday. Thank you everyone, who was wishing me happy birthday on the phone or on facebook, even though I never really knew some of you guys well back then.

Many people are leaving at this period. and No matter how and where we are, I hope that we’ll all see each other 5 years later. I hope that when it comes, we will have fun and talk once again.

Thank you.

Wilson Ong

28/08/2011

抒情闲谈 # 32

抒情闲谈 #31

抒情闲谈 #30

抒情闲谈 #29

抒情闲谈 #28 – 给父母的一封信函.

新的年头开始， 眼看许多朋友入大学。 有些奔海外，离开熟悉的环境， 家人的照料和依靠， 寻找自己的一片天。 即使留在内地深造的， 也有蛮多喜欢居住在大学宿舍。虽说离家不远， 但说近也不近， 有什么突发事况还是临场发挥来解决，不能和父母商量后再慢慢的作出决定。 虽说我知道这些人在海外肯定死不了， （敢走出去的人俺评价过，意志力都特强，若不能独立才是真正有问题。） 但不免也会为这些朋友感到屡屡的担忧。

为啥？因为我也算是个过来人吧。

父亲为了挣点小钱， 飘洋过海到了深圳工作。 一个人在外，人生地不熟，母亲不放心，自然就跟着父亲到深圳。 虽然爸妈当然不放心自己的孩子，每各一两个月会抽空回来看看一下，但严格来说，我是单独生活的，就像一个外籍留学生一样。（ 当然，我的处境较好一点，至少住的地方还是自己的地盘。在内地最少还有亲戚朋友照应，也算死不了。）所以从中，我能了解到 一人过着日子的一些小小事物。

俺觉得，人类真的是个很可悲的动物， 我们往往失去了才会知道失去东西的可贵。静乐国民服役，虽然在兵队里做文员，但是又有何人知道，这分工作是有多辛苦，天天承受的压力不小。 俺这个人做事一向不太喜欢跟着正规系统走， 但在军队做事，恰恰就得这么做，加上这份职位本来就不很和我的胃口，做了难上加难。 这短短几个月，几乎什么恐吓都听过：什么 DB 啦, EXTRA 啦。说实在的，不是怕被上司骂，而是怕那个狗日白痴的上司为了这种芝麻绿豆的小事，把我的前程搞垮 –  进DB 后能不能保留大学位置还是个迷。

压力也就算了，难道读书没压力？

但是后来我发觉到， 家里没人；家里没有个迎接你回家的人，是会下意识增加心里的负担的。因为它给了一种“孤军作战”的感觉。俗话说： 在家靠家人，除外靠朋友。没有家人在身边，靠朋友不就成了？不以为然。 说实在的， 别人也有别人的生活，责任，负担，说帮也恐怕帮不了多少，何况也有一点自私，没体谅他人的感觉。坦白说，有个时候我整个人几乎崩溃。如果没有父母在旁慢慢指导，鼓励于支持， 相信我已在板桥领抗忧郁药了。人是个很可爱的生物， 因为最软弱的人也有很坚强的时候，因为最坚强的人也有崩溃的时候 – 有种美中不足的感觉，但就是因为这种感觉，才把人性显得更美丽。

父亲母亲这几个月不断的深圳新洲两边跑， 无疑是担心我在这里的处境。虽然没作出行动，但我可是非常感激他们的用心良苦。进高中时也一样， 考 A 时也一样，考 A 后也一样， 我深深地记得，他们永远都是说着这句话：

“你作出什么选择与决顶，只要你认为是对的，我们是会支持你的。”

记得作家倪匡曾经说过 ： “父母对子女，大都拟定了一个蓝图，希望子女能照着蓝图来成长，发展。这是最多人实行，又最难实现的一项工程，失败率占百分之九十九。”眼看这有些朋友的父母，为了望子成龙，望女成风，以自己成功的定义必向自己的孩子。出发点是好的，但做法倒有点霸道。

但俺的父母没这么做。

他们一直深信，只要路是我选的，不管多坎坷，我总有一天会闯出自己的一片天。所以他们就付尽心思，帮助我我走这条我想走的路。我对我父母的所作所为，实在感谢，感激不尽，也是这辈子不可能补偿的。 我知道，他们也知道。

他们始终没有放弃自己的笨蛋儿子。从来没有。

一句怨言都没有。

抒情闲谈 #27